Feeling like a Cuban heel
AT THE AGE, the boss of sport sits in a big leather chair and smokes big Cuban cigars and a big bottle of Islay single malt sits on his big desk. He stares at his staff through the glass walls of his office and, all day long, bellows their names: "Connolly, Niall, Wilson, Baum!"
And they wander in and they wander out, a little broken, a little bruised and everyone says that you do not want to go into that Cuban fog because you never walk out the same.
But on Tuesday, my buzzer buzzed and my beeper beeped and a blood-curdling scream echoed from the glass: "Mongrel!" My heart pounded and my knees shook and I walked into the room of glass and fog and on his desk was an article I had written and on his computer were thousands of emails saying I was a buffoon.
"What's the meaning of this?" he growled. I stared at the words that read: "In round 22 of 2007, Adelaide beat Collingwood at the MCG." His eyes squinted, he chewed on his cigar and glared at me through the fog and the silence. On the other side of the glass, journalists crouched behind their desks, praying for my soul.
"Adelaide beat Collingwood at TELSTRA DOME, you moron!" he barked. I stuttered: "But, but, but boss … don't Collingwood always play at the MCG? Isn't that the deal?"
My skin deflated like an untied balloon as I imagined all the Collingwood fans picking up their papers that morning, complaining about the price of Southern and Cola tinnies before cracking one open, reading the words, firing up a Horizon cigarette and fuming over their computers as they banged out their emails to The Age.
I looked at the boss and said: "Do you know what this means?" He blew smoke rings at me. I whispered: "Collingwood would have won that 2007 grand final by 33 points. It's a pity they didn't make it."
Tears filled my eyes and he told me to join Flanagan and Lane in the naughty corner for a full hour.
I promised I would make it up to the Collingwood people by backing the Pies to beat West Coast by more than 27.5 points at $1.90 this weekend. And I'll put the Pies into my multi, with Adelaide wasting the Bombers by more than 42.5 points at $1.90, Geelong beating Carlton by more than 39.5 points at $1.90 and St Kilda winning ($1.28) for an $8.77 collect.
The boss then booted me out of the office with a warning, "never write about Collingwood again".
I trotted over to the naughty corner. Lane and Flanagan were meditating. I said: "What are you blokes in here for?" They told me to shut up and sit down. So I did. They told me to close my eyes and think of Tasmania. They said: "Listen to the silence." I said: "I can't hear anything." Flanagan told me to find another naughty corner.
Source: Real Footy